Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice


Because I prefer not to be ultra-critical like everyone else, I’ve decided not to tell you that Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice is a bad film. By bad I mean that it is poorly made, with a rotten script, lackluster photography, an indulgence of mindless action, and false characterizations. All of the negative professional reviews are correct, but I’m not going to tell you that. I’m not going to tell you that I loathe film reviewers anyway, but the filthy scum that they really are got it right this time. The movie sucks. At the very least, it’s worse than The Lone Ranger starring Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp and directed by Gore Verbinski. That movie sucked, too, and insulted its audience by believing it was funny and in its blatant ignorance of the Lone Ranger’s legacy. Yes, The Lone Ranger is a piece of Hollywood trash, made ever stinky by method actor Johnny Depp feigning a spiritual connection to Native Americans who would love to scalp the scrawny little prick, but I’m not going to tell you that. I’m not going to tell you that Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice director Zack Snyder is like Ed Wood with a budget, which is the truth so many Hollywood executives are ignoring. Director Zack Snyder is the equivalent of a brain damaged baby grown to manhood and let loose in a toy store because everyone feels sorry for him, and so he’s told to do what he wants, and he does so with disastrous results. Poor Zack, he wet himself again, but that’s okay, just let him do what he wants, nobody will mind. I’m not going to tell you that the ghosts of Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster mind, or that the spirits of Bob Kane and Bill Finger mind, as do the generations of Batman and Superman fans. But no matter, Zack Snyder can’t be faulted because he simply isn’t all that bright to begin with, and he certainly doesn’t understand the characters. Let us not forget, although I won’t be the one to tell you, that screenwriters Chris Terrio and David S. Goyer are not exempt from this scathing criticism. I’m also not going to tell you that I was pleased that Gal Gadot was so good as Wonder Woman, especially after Geekdom condemned her casting choice only to see her arrive on the scene like a breath of fresh air. There is justice in her performance, the only real solid performance in the film, although Batfleck isn’t half bad either. Finally, I’m not going to tell you that the real reason the movie sucked is because there are no heroes in it at all, and the solitary heroine doesn’t have enough screen time. No, I’m not going to tell you any of that. I just thought it would be nice to sit here with a box of buttered popcorn and watch Christopher Reeve in Superman from 1978, and maybe later catch some episodes of The Adventures of Superman starring George Reeves. Yeah, that’ll do me just right.

4 comments:

  1. Ha! I love this post. I'm not going to tell you that I won't be seeing this movie...But I won't. I enjoyed all the Superman posts this month.

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    1. Thanks Kurt, I appreciate that you enjoyed the posts. It sure was fun looking back. Have a great day!

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  2. I'm glad you didn't tell me all of this, Tom! It's good not to know this before I waste my precious time and money on a lot of flash and fury signifying nothing ... My usual habit! Loved the Steve Reeves post, too. We used to tie bath towels around our necks and run through the house with outstretched arms, fists clenched, flying to the rescue. During the show, I developed an interest in Lois Lane which was odd because like all girls, she had cooties ... whatever that was! I won't tell you I sent for a pair of xray specs just to look through her clothing to see those cooties. You don't need to know that. I did discover that I could literally fly, downward, if I leaped forward at great running speed and took off like Superman. It was great a just a moment ...

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