Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Ravished by the Triceratops by Christie Sims

I didn’t believe it. No sir, I didn’t believe it. I didn’t believe there was a new sub-category of the romance genre called “Dinosaur Erotica.” It had to be a bad joke. So I downloaded Ravished by the Triceratops by Christie Sims to my Kindle to find out for myself. Lord help us all! Well, Dinosaur Erotica is best described as “Dino Porn” and I’m not whistling the theme from Jurassic Park. After fortifying myself with a pint of Guinness, I sat down and pondered the meaning of Ravished by the Triceratops. Some time later, aided and abetted by another Guinness, I came to....oops, I mean, I arrived at the conclusion that there is no literary value associated with Ravished by the Triceratops. This is all about making money by catering to repressed Catholics everywhere. Seriously. Hey, who among you wouldn’t enjoy becoming a manly Triceratops and having your wanton way with a willing and beautiful cavegirl? Heck, ya’all ain’t as dumb as ya look! Why, shucks! If’n ya’ll could just imagine yourselves as a lizard-skinned, horned and horny Triceratops who just happens to be hung like an Irishman, then you’re already halfway to town! And the worst news of all is that there’s also “Dragon Erotica” and “Troll Erotica” and “Gay Werewolf Erotica” and “Gargoyle Erotica” and probably a few I haven’t heard of yet. At 99 cents a pop it’s cheaper than a bar of soap and a copy of Playboy magazine. I don’t mind a steamy horizontal bop scene from time to time, but dinosaurs? Now as I sit here and give myself a foamy Guinness mustache, I’ve already downloaded Taken by the T-Rex by Christie Sims. It wasn’t as bad as Ravished by the Triceratops, but still just awful. And I’m actually contributing to this author’s success by downloading this incredible display of sexploitative Paleolithic Dino-humping leopard-skinned panty-ripping nippleicious nonsense. Ugh! Oogh! Oink! God Bless America! Is this a great country or what?!

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