1: Keep a loaded .45 on the desk when you are writing.
2: Ignore Elmore Leonard’s Ten Rules for Writing. Those rules worked effectively for him, but should not be considered gospel. Follow your own path.
3: Stomp the living bejesus out of anyone that quotes from Stephen King’s “On Writing” with religious fervor. I mean break their ribs, smash cartilage, and chain-whip the blathering sissies until they are on their knees and wheezing through cracked teeth, blood dribbling off their split lips.
4: Avoid joining Yahoo chat groups. If by some chance you have a weak moment and join, thus commencing with the usual waste-of-time know-it-all postings, then use the .45 and end your misery.
5: Read everything you can, as much as you can, of every type of literature available, especially if it’s not your favorite genre or style, and comprehend what you read. Do this as a part of your daily routine.
6: Write every day.
7: Immediately stop believing what you are being told through the News Media such as CNN or Fox News. Think for yourself. Educate yourself by living your own life and taking responsibility for your own decisions. You’ll be a better writer and a better person because of this.
8: Don’t waste your time making snarky comments on FaceBook about cultural events such as Ben Affleck being cast as Batman. Just grow up and get over it. You’ve got a loaded .45 sitting next to you and it’s time to man-up and get a life.
9: Regarding that .45, learn to take it apart and clean it, put it back together again and shoot it accurately. It may come in handy during the next zombie apocalypse, providing, of course, that you don’t sissy-up and shoot yourself.
10: Don’t listen to what other writers say are their “rules for writing,” including this one. Create your own rules and make them work. See Rule # 2 above for further reference.